First impressions

My friend Sarah drew a cartoon of me once. It was a little black and white character sitting cross-legged in meditation position, with hair strewn all over the place and a t-shirt saying: The Buddha Dates. In this little cartoon, and in about 5 seconds of sketching, she captured the essence of my entire being.
Grounded. Zen. Centered.
Haywire. Scattered. Lost.
Heartbroken and ecstatic.*
Basically a human paradox all of its own.
I have to say it is not an easy thing to live with, this thing of being a walking contradiction, and it is not something that sits well with me.
Why? Because my entire life I have been taught (in different ways and by different people) that you have to be this or that. Feel one way or another. There is not enough room in one person's heart, soul, inner space, or whatever you want to call it for everything to coexist at the same time.
Or is there?
What if I don't have to be this or that, one or the other?
What if I can be everything and still be me?
And what if being me, right here and right now, with the mess and chaos and stuff yet to be dealt with, is OK? What if it is as good as it gets? What if I can be happy like this and don't have to be enlightened and completely sorted out, like, ever?
Buddhist nun Pema Chodron writes:
"You can start where you are."
Ok then. I'll take your word for it.
I am starting where I am.